fassytheshark said: Wait I'm confused do you actually know michael? 😁
Dear Michaels Fassbender,
Michael, is that you? This isn’t funny.
Michael is doing this new thing where he taps me on the shoulder and says “Hey.”
I ignore him and he’s like, “Hey.”
I ignore him some more and finally he’s like, “Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.”
When I finally say, “What?” he just points at his face and says, “Look at my mustache.”
|Me:||You could make a movie about anything and women would still watch it.|
|Me:||What? Two white people walking around in the woods, just talking? Miramax would love it.|
|Michael:||If I'm in the woods with no one around, is it still a film?|
|Me:||Did you know there's a movie where it's just two guys going on a hiking trip and there's hardly any dialogue, then one of them gives the other a back rub and it's sorta kinda maybe homoerotic, then they just drive home and don't talk?|
|Michael:||Are you saying you want me to give you a gay back rub?|
|Me:||You're an idiot.|
thebittenword892 said: "I called it his “creepy uncle” phase. In fact I referred to him as “Creepyuncle,” “Joaquin Phoenix in Her" and finally "Sir Lord Applebaum Bomf-Bomf the V" before he shaved it off." Too bad for you he grew it back for Light Between Oceans!
P.S. I told that son of a bitch that “light between oceans” is “land.”
Michael and I re-watched season two of The Office on Saturday as we recovered from a hangover. We’re thinking of holding the Dundees next month as a party excuse.
Spoiler: I’m getting ‘Fine Work’ and Michael’s DJ-ing.
I read the lamest “Did You Know” movie/TV trivia list yesterday. “Did you know Matthew Fox’s character on Lost was supposed to be played by Michael Keaton, and he was going to DIE in the first episode??”
Yeah, and the sun rises in the East and sets in the West. Here’s one for you:
"Did you know I slipped Michael some Molly during the scene in X-Men: Days of Future Past where he fights Beast in the Parisian fountain? Dude was high off his balls and kept caressing Nicholas Hoult’s ‘pelt.’”
|Me:||I realized something today.|
|Michael:||What is it?|
|Me:||The characters you play have what I'd call "the opposite of the Midas Touch."|
|Michael:||I don't understand.|
|Me:||It means there's no such thjng as a "good day" in the Fassbender universe. Everything you touch turns to shit.|
holy-magneto said: Has Michael ever went into detail about the time he tried to grow a Selleck mustache?
I called it his “creepy uncle” phase. In fact I referred to him as “Creepyuncle,” “Joaquin Phoenix in Her" and finally "Sir Lord Applebaum Bomf-Bomf the V" before he shaved it off.
Last Sunday- after three rounds of Flaming Dr. Peppers- Michael got really worked up. He appointed himself Commissioner of “Fixing That NFL Shit” then asked for a hammer because he thought “an Oldboy reenactment would set them right.”
I had to promise him extra kitty cuddle time to stop him.
This week I asked the bartender at our pub to switch off football whenever we come in. So Larry threw on some QVC last night.
Michael asked if I’d buy him some cuticle treatments for Christmas. I said no.
I haven’t heard from Michael in a few days. Turns out he caught that Outlander TV show. I guess he’s reading the books now.
Wait. He did send me one text: “BRB, ripping bodices.”
remyxpietro said: I want to get Fassbender to like, sign a printout of the Best Of this blog
If there are over 1000 followers I’d consider making this into a book, then you’d have a shot at that.